The Best Kind of Insomina

I am writing this at two thirty in the morning. I need to wake up at nine tomorrow to do a marathon day of shopping for house stuff with my parents before they leave, and I should be sleeping. But I’m not. I can’t. This summer one of my friends told me that there are times that she can’t sleep because she is too excited about life. It’s a strange and beautiful thought that I didn’t quite understand at first because I worry about things a lot. But tonight, I understand it. In fact I’m living it.

Today was the beginning of a wonderful new chapter in my life. It was my first full day back in Halifax and the first day when all of my housemates were together in the house. We spent the day cleaning the house, packing, and generally being excited about living together. Now that I’m finally alone with my thoughts, I’ve had a chance to reflect on the year ahead. I’ve never been so excited for a year to start than I am now.

This summer was hard, life changing, and taught me a lot about myself. There was so much beauty, laughter, and meaningful and wonderful friendships, both new and old, but there was also a great deal of pain and loss, including the death of my uncle, who lost his battle with Lymphoma in July. But now that I am back in a familiar place, and reunited with my friends, I’ve realized how much this summer shaped me, and turned me into a stronger, more confident person. Last year felt like a wonderful year long vacation, almost like being at camp for a whole year, but now I can clearly see my whole life ahead of me and it looks like the most exciting adventure ever.

First of all, I’m in an incredibly exciting place musically. I’ve never been more excited to sing, and I have a renewed sense of the fact that there is nothing else I could ever imagine doing with my life then singing. Nothing. All I want to do every day is sing. I have a new voice teacher this year, and I can see so much opportunity to do what I love this year and it makes me so happy. I’m also absurdly excited about my living arrangements. I have the greatest roommates, I’m in love with my house, and for the first time in 19 years I have a backyard, which I’m so excited about using.

But all my other excitement stems from the fact that I am most excited about where I am mentally. I’ve lost so much insecurity and anxiety, I’ve gained so much self-confidence, and I’ve shed things that were holding me back from getting the most out of life. I’ve never felt freer. I feel like I can accomplish anything I want to. And this year I plan on doing exactly that.

On another note, the last time I wrote about saying goodbye, I mentioned how much I love reunions. I am in a whirlwind of reunions and I’m absolutely loving it. This is contributing a great deal to my happiness.
It’s cliché but I feel like I started living today. I see so much opportunity in front of me I literally can’t process it all yet. I’m so happy right now. I know that this year will have its fair share of ups and downs, but I’m so ready for it. Insomnia has never felt so wonderful.

To my parents: I apologize in advance for my zombie-like state.